1. Spend at least 10 hours a week in some form of physical exercise.
2. Read at least one hour a day a book, articles or periodicals that will stretch your thinking and give you a wider perspective.
3. Take at least one full hour a week to spend quality time with family members and/or friends.
4. Take some time daily or weekly for some form of spiritual involvement and development. i.e. church, meetings, silent meditation, reading the Bible or?
5. Occasionally, review your short and long term goals as “people don’t plan to fail, they simply fail to plan.”  Living life without paying attention or having a plan or goals is risky business.
6. Once in a while do a reality check. What’s working…what’s not?
7. Write a to-do list every night for the next day.
8. Keep a journal on thoughts, feelings, ideas, short term/long term progress and accomplishments.
9. Do what’s right not what’s easy.  Strength comes from pushing against resistance.  Develop a confident personal power.
10. Follow through on your commitments to others and to yourself. 
11. Surround yourself with good supportive people.
12. Lastly and most importantly…Take just 5 minutes each day to reflect on what you are grateful for, smile, sing and laugh a bunch!

This is the first day of the rest of your life and you can start right now to choose a better self , have a great life and  to be your personal best!

Here are 10 simple ways to Love yourself:

1. Be gentle, kind and patient with yourself, treat yourself as you would someone you really love.

2. Do not criticize yourself, criticism never changes a thing.  You will change in life but first accept yourself exactly as you are because when you criticize yourself your changes are negative but when you approve of yourself they are positive.

3. Be kind to yourself mentally as self-hatred is only hating your own thoughts. Don’t hate yourself for having the thoughts.  Gently change your thoughts

4. Don’t terrorize yourself with negative thinking it is a terrible way to live! Find a mental image that brings a smile to your face or a pleasurable feeling and immediately replace the negative thought with the pleasurable one.

5. Acknowledge that you have negatives and you created them to fulfil a need.  Also, acknowledge that you are finding new positive ways to fulfill those needs. So, lovingly allow yourself to release and let go of the old negative patterns.

6. Don’t give up and don’t beat yourself up! Know that the learning curve is never straight, if you fall back into negative thinking or behaviors just get back on the right track and keep moving forward.

7. Find ways to support yourself, reach out to friends and allow them to help you and show they care about you. It is being strong to ask for help when you needed it.

8. Take care of your body learn about nutrition, find a method of excercise you enjoy and do it  on a regular basis. Cherish and take care of the body you have and it will take care of you.

9. Praise yourself!  Criticism breaks down the spirit, praise builds it up. This is not being boastful or prideful it is about finding ways to praise yourself by telling yourself how well you are doing with the big things in life and the little things. This may sound corny but it works: Mirror work! Look into your eyes often and tell yourself you forgive yourself for what needs to be forgiven and then tell yourself at least once a day “I love you!”.

10. Do it now!!

If you would like to learn more about learning how to realize your self worth and to love yourself here are a few great resources on the subject:

Learn to Love Yourself: Finding Your Self Worth

Blah, Blah, Blah…Changing Your Negative Self Talk

Loving yourself does not come naturally, it is a choice!

So, Remember: This is the first day of the rest of your life and you can start right now to choose a better self, to be your personal best, to love yourself and to have a great life!

***********************************************************************************************************

I have been watching American Idol and voting for Crystal Bowersox like sooooo many other people. Why do I like Crystal?  She has captured my heart because she is not only talented but “real” or to use the another term that many people are using these days she is ” authentic”.

I also watch American Idol because I find the show entertaining and I like the messages the Judges are giving to the contestants. You may be thinking huh?  Think about it, what if you were to apply their comments and coaching to your life?  No not when Randy is calling them “dog” instead of by name or that their performance was “dope” instead of some other adjectives he could choose to let them know how well they did or Simon when he says their performance was ” not memorable” after the contestant just sang their heart out. However, I have decided that is he’s way to suggest that they do something noteworthy, original and remembered but framed in a negative way to create controversy with the viewers and audience to keep it stimulating and  get the contestant to step it up. (Everyone has a different coaching style!)

What I am referring to is these 5 statements that are either stated or implied in almost every show:

1. Keep it real, be the best “you” that you can be or become.

2. Be true to yourself, believe in yourself and show us you have confidence in “you”.

3. Be creative, take something that has already been created and use your creativity to tweak it just enough to make it “your own”.

4. It is ultimately about “Choices”, make song and performance choices that match who you are, your own style and talent.

5. Listen and learn, from the other successful people: performance and style coaches, the celebrity mentors, and the constructive criticism and coaching from the Judges.

What if you were to take those statements and apply to your personal performance on the stage of life?    What if you believed it was great to be your true self  not a copy of someone else and that it was a good thing to tap into your own personal creative energy source your unique talents, skills and abilities to tweak whatever daily job or task you do to make it your own; continually stepping it up till you were consistently performing at optimal level?  I think you would be feeling very self-confident and setting a great example for others to follow as well as get praise, positive feedback and realize success with what ever you are choosing to do.

Next ladies this leads us to “choices” by now you know that the focus of my life coaching practice is to help you become aware it all starts with our choices and a willingness to learn and grow. Further that our ongoing daily choices continue to make all the difference in whether we fail or succeed with achieving our personal goals in life, career and in relationship with others.

Did you know that most successful people who have become their best authentic self have been willing to listen and learn from other successful people, mentors and coaches. Did you think that mentors and coaches are just for people who are trying to become “the” next American Idol?  These would be Idols are working real hard at becoming their very best self and trying to become memorable but you know what, you too can become your best self and a memorable person!

If you choose to be open to learning, gaining clarity, willing to take action, to be accountable and to become successful you may want a Life Coach to help you “Keep it real” , coach you and cheer you on as you become your better self and move from a marginal to an optimal life.

I offer TeleCoaching sessions which are convenient and confidential:

For Individual TeleCoaching sessions or questions you have in regards to my Life Coaching services call 1-951-237-5282

Session $38.00 (1hr)

I accept Paypal or Credit Card payments.

Remember: This is the first day of the rest of your life and you can start right now to choose a better self and a memorable life!

So, how do you define happiness? Well, first lets look at thoughts on this subject by the Ancient Greek Philosopher Aristotle.  To paraphrase, he concluded that happiness is an end to its self, that ultimately everything we do is to be happy.  Theologians have concluded that God’s  grand design is for us to find happiness in this life and the next, that life is not just about pain and suffering like some my think but also about joy, peace and happiness. To seek happiness and wish happiness to others is a fundamental human desire, it is essential to the human experience and it is good to seek it, have it, try to maintain the sense of it and to wish this for others.

Although I enjoy posting information and writing articles I have not blogged much lately because I have been pretty busy and have to feel inspired to write.  This morning I think I felt inspired because it is Christmas Day and  I have gotten the gift of a quite Christmas morning with time to think and ponder on the subject of happiness and felt a desire to write this morning about that.  My “gift” today to others is to briefly outline the 4 levels of seeking and maintaining long-lasting happiness so you have a guideline for happiness after this holiday seasons is over.

These levels can be also considered as a hierarchy of levels. The first 2 are considered the “how to obtain superficial temporary happiness” and the last 2 are on “how to obtain happiness that is of higher value and will lead to long-lasting soul satisfying  happiness”.  Before I list them I will need to let you know that perspective is the key here.

Level 1:  Things that will bring you physical pleasure and material happiness.  This would be things that you can see, feel, touch, and smell and material things that can give you pleasure.  It is good to want physical pleasure and material possessions but if that is what defines you it becomes counter productive.  Left unchecked can led to boredom and/or wanting more and more never feeling totally satisfied or happy.

Lever 2: This is Ego gratification which is having an identity and feeling good about yourself. We trying to understand who we are and what are natural gifts or talents  maybe.  Additionally, some of the things that make us feel good is power or control, attention ,admiration and success.  Again, these are good things but if this is your ultimate goal in life to seek happiness through just feeling good about your self or trying to be or thinking you are better than others then you will only be left with frustration and lose the happiness you have obtained because no one can sustain consistent perfection and life long continuation in these areas eventually someone more powerful, admired or successful will come along…and they do.  And then what?  Well, maybe proceeding to a level 2 & 3 perspective……

Lever 3: At this level it is about becoming other centered and giving yourself to another. This is can be done by spending time with someone else, being patient, helping them with something they may need help with, being a good listener and compassionate, be charitable and generous, helping the sick and poor.  Doing these things because you think you have to or to make yourself look good actually is an extension of ego gratification for self.  Doing these things because you desire to help someone else for their benefit will lead to a deep sense of satisfaction and joy which equals happiness.

Level 4: Surrendering to the belief in God or as some may want to say their “higher power” and God’s unconditional love and omnipotence (the ability to do anything that which is logically possible and seemingly impossible).   Surrendering to the experience of God’s unconditional love and applying that in our lives is the highest level of the sense of happiness we can experience.  It is also a huge relief to understand and know that we do not have to be prefect in life or to be God for ourselves  and with others.  Knowing that were we end God begins puts a new prospective on living life, loving and helping others; it reduces our frustrations as we know we are not meant to be all things to others  and that we are not or do not have to be prefect. Further, if we try to rise to a higher calling than living life for self only and material possessions, then not only will  God do what we can not but we will experience less frustration and emptiness more love and …peace, joy and happiness.  Which is something we all can experience, extend to others and also point them  in the direction of  this type of lasting satisfaction and happiness as well.

I want to conclude with saying that in our  human experiences in life and in our personal/spiritual growth process we are meant to experience all 4 levels of happiness and that they can and will fluctuate throughout our life. It is not about getting stuck in anyone level but to have a balanced approach to experiencing and enjoy all aspects of happiness.

Yes, happiness is a choice so will you choose today to experience all levels of happiness? Well, my quite time is over and I better get started with getting ready to celebrate Christmas with my family today!

I wish all readers a very Merry Christmas and Happiness in the New Year!

JoAnna

This is the first day of the rest of your life and you can start right now to choose a better self and a great life!

We are currently a people in transition in this country and largely not by choice.  Because of the state of our economy we either have had to make changes in are life recently that we would not be making in past ordinary times or we know someone who is due to job loss, financial losses, loss of home, loss of other material positions, status and relationships.  This is a time of change and transition for many people today. So instead of fighting I say embrace it!

Saying Yes….to transitioning to something new like a job, career, training program, educational goals, new home, city or relationship will open the door to personal growth, the richness of new experiences, adventures, feelings and people you never knew you missed but feel so alive to have in your life!

Many of us go into something new with great expectations and a positive attitude then reality starts setting in and this is where you can start to struggle and get lost in transition!  So, you have made a decision and then you said Yes…I will move forward with this… then when reality hits the Gremlins come out to play on your thoughts and feelings.  They will tap into your fears, doubts and insecurities. If you let them affect your thoughts next they will be affecting your feelings which will then affect your  behavior, performance and success.   This is where you need to allow your self to process these thoughts and feelings to overcome and control the negative self talk instead of it controlling you!   Now I suggest for people who are at the very beginning of this change process you can take some preventive actions before this occurs…knowing that it can and likely will happen.  You can do this by reviewing these strategies here or reading one of these recommended books or both!

Here are a few proven strategies:

1. Thought stopping: remember it starts with your thoughts! The minute a negative thought comes into your head just tell your self “stop” I am not going to think that.

2. Always replace the negative thought with a positive thought or statement about your self.  What may help is to write a list of positive statements and affirmations about your self and list prior successes to carry that with you to refer to if you can not think of anything at that moment.

3. Tell your self:  change is hard and achieving new goals may not be easy but I can and will  commit to getting through this bumpy part of the transition process to realize successful.

4. Always remember it is about choice, you can choose to apply the above strategies, become your personal best, obtain your goals, realize success and have a great life!

Going through times of transition can be tough going it alone and it always helps to have someone there for you, help you stay on track, process through reoccurring negative self talk, stay focused and to cheer you on.  So if you are in need of someone to help you though this time of transition you want to consider getting a Life Coach.

I have reduced my rates and charge very affordable fees as my way of helping in these difficult economic times.

1 hr session fees are as low as $35.00 for in person and $38.00 TeleCoaching (because of electronic payment fees)

For a free consultation or to set up an appointment for an in-office visit or for a convenient  TeleCoaching Session call:

951-237-2582

Here is some recommended reading to more fully explore how to overcome those Gremlins!

Taming Your Gremlin (Revised Edition): A Surprisingly Simple Method for Getting Out of Your Own Way by Rick Carson

Blah, Blah, Blah…: Changing Your Negative Self-Talk by Barbara Small MA

Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway by Susan Jeffers

Today is the first day of the rest of your life…..you can choose to meet life’s challenges with a renewed perspective, make positive change, be your personal best and realize success.

1. Use reflective listening: Interesting how listening to what the other person is saying  and letting them know what you heard is #1.  When someone is speaking most people are thinking more about what they want to hear or want to say then listening to what the other person is saying.  On the other hand not everyone says what they mean and means what they are saying. This is the prefect catalysis for hurt feeling, misunderstandings and conflict in any relationship.  Often further clarification and the use of reflective listening skills is need for both the speaker and the listener to establish a positive verbal exchange.  Reflective listening is: letting the other person speak and then repeat back to them “I heard you say…”then the other person can agree that is what they said /meant or it will help them see that they need to re-word, shorten what they said  or further clarify…when they do repeat back again what you hear them say if they agree this leads into Step 2.

2. Validate the other persons feelings: This takes some discipline not to go immediately into “about you mode” or a defense mode…If you can understand any part of what they have said then let the other person know how you understand how they think or feel that way  because…”  This is also tough as this may require some admission on your part and to validate the other persons thoughts and feelings before you make it about you or  defend/explain yourself.  This will help keep them out of a  defensive mode and reduce an escalation of negative feelings, confusion and conflict. When either person becomes consumed with defending themselves their world becomes so small no one is allowed in.

3. State your intentions: After validating the other person then state your intentions based on what you both agreed that the other said and you heard.  “my intentions is for you, or us, or this situation …..” here is where you must be honest and speak your truth.  Don’t assume that the other person knows your good intentions. If that satisfies the other person and they feel validated and let you know what they heard, they validate you and you both agree then your good! If the subject at hand needs further discussion, agreement or resolution to a conflict you will need to move into step 4.

4. Problem Solving: This is where you ask the other person what can I do differently to convey my intentions to you? Ask for  behavior specific request so they can observe and measure what they are asking you to do.   You may also want to ask them what they are willing to do to help resolve the conflict. Then ask them may I give you some behavior specific request?  Don’t forget to reinforce these new  positive behaviors with letting the other person know that you notice and appreciate what they are doing which will encourage them to continue their new positive behavior and model to them how to validate and encourage you with your new behaviors.

A few additional Tips:

1. Avoid the blame game: Change your criticisms into request.

2. Stop “Mind-Reading” and Assuming: Exchange minding reading which is another word for assuming for asking then using the 4 Effective Steps in communicating. What is the saying for assuming “it makes an ass out of me and you” We do not really know how someone thinks or feels unless we ask and they do not know with us unless we tell them.

3. Admit your Faults: Oh, this is a tough one for most of us! Admit your shortcomings and how you are contributing to the miss-communication, frustration or conflict. Hopefully, the other person will be prompted to do the same and then you can both agree to do what it will take to improve the relationship or situation. If not you may need to ask them to take some time to think about how they are contributing to the conflict and what they need to improve. Ask them how long they need to think about this and set up a specific time to resume the conversation so that you both problem solve from there and move forward in a positive direction.

4. Conflict resolution Busters: If you and the other person are having difficulty agreeing on a resolution to the conflict you may need to both agree to disagree and accept that stance on the subject. If that is not acceptable or doable look for a “3rd ” option. Brainstorm for an option which is  other than your way or the other persons way that  can be discussed that you can both agree on to resolve the conflict.

5. Change yourself, not your partner: It is a fact they we can not change anyone but ourselves but it is also a fact that most often when we grow personally and start make positive change in our life and when we use positive communication skills with others we  start getting the positive results we are seeking.

Question: What areas of your life do you need to upgrade or tweak?

You don’t know? Have thoughts but not clear on what that would be and how you would make that change? If you need a support person….someone to help you gain clarity, set new goals, be accountable too and help you to stay focused as you progress in making lasting positive change. You need a Life Coach!

For Telecoaching or Local in person appointments  call: 951-237-2582

JoAnna Ferber,MA
Choose a Better Self Life Coaching

Remember: This is the first day of the rest of your life and you can start right now to choose a better self and a great life!

This is a time of transition for many women for various reason: the beginning of a new school year for their young children, and/or college for their older children; women returning to work, starting a new training program, classes, groups and or/a new semester in college.  This is a major focus at this time of year  for many which brings with it an over all sense that free time & play time are over and it is time to get back to a structured schedule , back to work , start working on new goals and a purposeful focus in life.   And, maybe because of the influence of this collective consciousness that is why I feel compelled to get back to writing and posting again on my  Blog!

So, you wonder how was my time well spent?  For the purpose of balance in my life I took time to enjoy the summer with some fun summer activities, day trips,the beach with my granddaughters and introducing the concept of a Women2Women’s Spiritual Mentoring Group at my church.

Does your church or community have one of these groups or programs?  It is a wonderful way for women to learn how to educate, encourage and support other women or find a Mentor who will help them grow personally and spiritually.  In my experience and practice I have found you can not truly be effective or help another women unless you address the “whole” person.  Which is addressing The 5 main elements of the human experience: Mental, Emotional, Spiritual, Physical and Social.  Yes, we humans have a spiritual component to us that if we recognize, tap into and nourish, will give us hope, comfort and help us make that lasting positive change we desire.

There are many perspectives on Spirituality these days, mine is from a Christian perspective which I am sure is acceptable to you if you are a Christian. If you are not I believe much of what I post will still be relevant and helpful to women in general.

Anyway, I decided to introduce this Women2Women Mentoring concept in a group process format instead of larger Program format which was originated for church use by Janet Thompson from the now infamous Rick Warren’s Saddle Back church in Orange County California.  This has been well received at my church and appears to be enriching for those that are attending.

For those of you that want to learn more about this or may like to get this kind of a group or program started in your church here are some resource links:

Women to Women Mentoring

Face to Face with Martha and Mary sisters in Christ

Face to Face with Naomi and Ruth

Here are a few other resource on Women to Women Mentoring:

Finding Mentor, Being a Mentor

Women Mentoring Women

Mentoring Heroes

Learning from other Women

“Iron sharpens iron, so one woman sharpens another” Proverbs 27:17

Remember: This is the first day of the rest of your life and you can start right now to choose a better self, to be your personal best and to have a great life!

1. Prepare mentally with working through any negative feelings previously mentioned in my last post or lingering negative self talk.

2. Plan by scheduling daily structured time that will be spent on job searches, interviewing, following up on interviews and networking. Make looking for and obtaining a job, your job.

3. Plan by dressing for success for an interview or when you are in any kind of social or networking situation.  Dress appropriately in business attire for the professional level job as well as entry level position.  Nothing less than business casual is consider acceptable.  ***Any social situation can become a networking opportunity and statistics show that first impressions do count and it only takes 1 second for a person to form there opinion base on how you look!

4. Plan by learning how to do Internet searches, use keyword strategies in you cover letter and resume. ***Most job listing our posted online.

5. Plan by writing a dynamic resume that will stand out.  a) Use current suggested resume format **will post this information separately. b) use key words found in the employers job description and requirements in your cover letter and in your resume to match what they are looking for. c) have someone proof read before submitting. d) submit your resume with a short cover letter working in the keys words in the contents of the letter.

6.  Current facts on submitting resumes:

>  Employers today posting jobs will get hundreds of resumes for one position. They will not read all resumes submitted nor do thy have to time to respond to every resume submitted.  They manually screen/read the ones that show recent experience that matches the job title posted and qualifications they are looking for.

>  Job Search sites like Career Builder and Monster Board will automatically screen qualified resumes for a posted job based on key words in the cover letter and resume that again match the Job title and qualifications for the position posted by that employer, i.e. works much like a Google Search.

> When posting your resume on job search sites remember to take the time to fill in the forms that ask your last three jobs.  Job title, responsibilities, special or specific skills.  ** This is the first thing the employer will look t to determine whether they will read your resume.

7. Plan by learning successful interviewing: a) do your homework about the company before your appointment. b) be prepared to answer the basic questions which usually are: “Tell me about yourself”,  “What are your Strengths and Weaknesses”, “Why should we hire you”, “Why do you want to work here”, “What are your Goals”, “”Why did you leave (are you leaving) your job”, ” What qualifications do you have that would make you a good candidate for this position”.

8. Proceed to your interview prepared and confident.

9.  Close the interview with:   a) short review of why you are a good candidate for the position and how you can benefit their company.  b) let them know you are excited about the job and ask what is the next step in the hiring process. c) thank them for their time and the opportunity to interview for the position.

10.  Always follow up your interview with a brief ” Thank you and I look forward to hearing from you” email or sent note.

11.  Proceed by maintaining a positive and optimistic attitude as you continue your search using these strategies till you succeed in in obtaining employment.

12.  Succeed by enjoying the experience of your first day on the job!

No matter how difficult your job search has been till now remember:

Today is the first day of the rest of your life…..you can choose to meet life’s challenges with a renewed perspective, make positive change, be your personal best and realize success.

Job Seekers

Dare To Change Your Job and Your Life by Carole Kanchier

Career Building: Your Total Handbook for Finding a Job and Making It Work by Editors of CareerBuilders.com

What Color Is Your Parachute? 2009: A Practical Manual for Job-Hunters and Career-Changers by Richard Nelson Bolles

Self Talk:

Blah, Blah, Blah…: Changing Your Negative Self-Talk by Barbara Small MA

Taming Your Gremlin (Revised Edition): A Surprisingly Simple Method for Getting Out of Your Own Way by Rick Carson

Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway by Susan Jeffers

The next few articles will be on the 4 step job seekers program: Prepare Plan, Proceed and Succeed. I will present some realities, tips and strategies that could help you become a Savvy Job Seeker who will get results.

This first one is on Preparing.

Tip: Preparing starts with your attitude and perspective

Some reasons for seeking employment:

>Recent job loss, newly entering or re-entering the work force

>Dissatisfaction with current job or career

>Current job or career may no longer be a good fit or is not compatible with current stage in your life cycle.

For those who have lost their job you may recognize and need to work thru the 5 stages of the transition curve.

1. Shock, denial and disbelief

2. Fear and Anxiety

3. Resistance, Anger, and Blame

4. Acceptance and exploration

5. Commitment to seeking new employment.

For those who may be experiencing job dissatisfaction you may want to consider exploring the reasons and possible ways to resolve and improve the situation before seeking an alternative in this current job market.

And for th0se who may feel like your current job or career is no longer a good “fit” or you feel burnt out on your current type of job….till you make a job or career change are you projecting a “I could care less” or negative attitude at work?  Is this  causing your performance to decline and to get negative reactions back from employers or co-workers?

I have found that most people have a lingering negative perspective from job loss, a job they want to leave, feel it does not fit any longer or is just burnt out. Most people are transparent and do not realize that they are coming off negative. Negativity begets negative results.  These negative feelings need to be dealt with so you can move forward with a renewed positive prospective. Employers today are not only looking at your education and skills but for people who have a positive winning attitude and show the following traits:

>self-reliant, resilient and optimistic

>flexible, open minded and creative

·>positive attitude and are confident

·>team player and gets along well with others

>willing to learn from their experiences

>willing to be open to learning new concepts and skills

>can turn crises into opportunities

If you are in any one of the above mentioned situations and can see that your negative thoughts, feelings or self talk has become an obstacle in you getting a job you need or want you may want to consider some coaching sessions to help you past them.

You may want to take advantage of my current low rates for my TeleCoaching sessions.

Call 951-237-2582

***The next post will be on the next step: Planning

Today is the first day of the rest of your life…..you can choose to meet life’s challenges, make positive change, be your personal best and realize success.